There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
