He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
