i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
