i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
