So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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