opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
How does it feel to date your dad?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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