Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
