This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
me + whiskey = a bad person
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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