when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
