i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
