Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
