i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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