he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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