I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
