I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
