It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
