i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
