Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
