Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
