Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
