Do you still have your period?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
