with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
