he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
