we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
this is an emotional support booty call
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
