I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Is Oprah even human
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
