Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
