I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Please don't give away my fajitas
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
