Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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