how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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