My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
