I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
