Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
