Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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