her vagine was all disorganized.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
PANTIES FOUND
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