Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
