just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
