I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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