toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
