Just fell off a train. Bad.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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