Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
