he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
