So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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