what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
