that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
50% drunk capacity currently
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
