Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
