is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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