im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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