I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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