I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He called his prostate his "boner button".
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
