They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
3pm strippers are depressing
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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