I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
