i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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