if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
