Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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