I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
