i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
